Ellis balcony hymn

emptied out on the balcony
a distant hum in the quiet street
i breathe in what i need to breathe
a flicker in the dark
a photo of what used to be
a ghost trapped in a body
i don’t think i’m supposed to be
showing up like this
you can have your way with me
blood and guts and atrophy
give me a lobotomy
to make me feel ok
swear myself to secrecy
the silence is the death of me
and i could only let it be
turning in the worst way
a rotten fruit a fallen tree
a curse for all eternity
i gave you every bit of me
i swore i could just
float away
if i could have a time machine
i’d hold myself as a baby
i hope that she’d be proud of me
hope i didn’t let her down