Текст песни
The European Summit
The leaders of Europe flew in on their jets
Each one more confused than the one that he met
They gathered in Brussels to solve the world's ills
And mostly just argued about window sills
Macron showed up in a suit that costs more than your house
He kissed every cheek — even the coat of a mouse
He grabbed the microphone, cleared his philosophical throat
Europe is not a place — it is a FEELING we quote
Someone asked But what about inflation?
He said Exactly That's the beauty of this nation
Then he did something no one expected that day
He called himself Jupiter And meant it Okay
Oh Brussels, oh Brussels, you beautiful mess
Where nothing gets done but it's done with finesse
They'll argue for hours on the shape of a rule
Then all fly back home on the taxpayer's fuel!
Scholz arrived forty minutes late with a shrug
He sat at the table and stared at his mug
They asked Will Germany help?
He said We'll see
They asked again in the fall
He said Possibly
His coalition of three couldn't agree on a font
They spent six months deciding what color they want
Germany the country that runs like a train
Except the trains don't run either, so it's all the same
Oh Brussels, oh Brussels, you beautiful mess
Where nothing gets done but it's done with finesse
They'll argue for hours on the shape of a rule
Then all fly back home on the taxpayer's fuel!
Ursula stood up and opened her binder
Three thousand new laws, and a helpful reminder
Next Tuesday, all cheese must be round
All dogs must wear helmets when near to the ground
All memes require permits by 2026
And olive oil bottles need child-safety clicks
She banned single-use spoons, she banned single-use cups
She's currently working on banning sunsets
Someone said Ursula, isn't this mad?
She said I've filed a directive on that
Oh Brussels, oh Brussels, you beautiful mess
Where nothing gets done but it's done with finesse
They'll argue for hours on the shape of a rule
Then all fly back home on the taxpayer's fuel!
Then Orbán walks in eating goulash from a bowl
He hadn't been invited but came anyway, bold
They said Viktor, please, we need unity here
He vetoed the sentence before it was clear
He vetoed the table He vetoed the chairs
He vetoed the air conditioning Nobody cares
They offered him billions — he pocketed half
Then vetoed the other half just for a laugh
He winked at the camera and said with a grin
Democracy's great — when I always win
Should we sanction them? — Let's write a letter instead
A strongly worded one? — Make it stern but well-read
Font size eleven? — No, twelve — show we're serious
Bold the last sentence? — That might make them delirious
Three hours later the letter was sent
It was ignored They scheduled another event
Oh Brussels, oh Brussels, you beautiful mess
Where nothing gets done but it's done with finesse
They argue for hours on the shape of a rule
They fly back home on the taxpayer's fuel
They'll meet again Tuesday! Or maybe next fall!
Or whenever Scholz finishes staring at walls!
