Текст песни
I hated that I looked forward to seeing you every day
I hated that my eyes searched the crowd as soon as I walked in — a prisoner's way
Of hoping for a glimpse, a glance, a second of your face
I hated that my heart beat faster every time I heard your voice — a disgrace
To the cold exterior I worked so hard to build
I hated that even your anger could make my stomach flip, could make me feel thrilled — butterflies in a cage, a war inside my ribs
I hated that you were the only thing that made me feel like I could live
I hated that — every single part
I hated that you lived inside my heart without a key, without a key
I hated that — the looking, the waiting, the pulse that wouldn't slow
The way you made me feel like a man who didn't know
How to pretend anymore The way your anger made me feel alive
I hated that I hated that I couldn't make the feeling die
I hated that I wanted your anger, your laugh, your silence, your storm
I hated that you made me feel warm when I was supposed to be cold
I hated that my heart was sold to a girl who probably didn't even know
That I existed in the same universe I hated that — and I hated that I loved it
Every morning I woke up and immediately lost the fight
The thought of you was the first thing The only light
In a room I'd painted black on purpose I hated that you curved my spine
Toward something soft I was a porcupine who'd lost his quills Just skin Just nerves Just the line between hate and want
I told myself it was nothing A phase A chemical mistake
But my eyes kept searching My heart kept pace with your voice — a drum I couldn't stop
I hated that you were on top of every thought, every dream, every drop of sanity I had left I hated that
I hated that — every single part
I hated that you lived inside my heart without a key, without a key
I hated that — the looking, the waiting, the pulse that wouldn't slow
The way you made me feel like a man who didn't know
How to pretend anymore The way your anger made me feel alive
I hated that I hated that I couldn't make the feeling die
I hated that I wanted your anger, your laugh, your silence, your storm
I hated that you made me feel warm when I was supposed to be cold
I hated that my heart was sold to a girl who probably didn't even know
That I existed in the same universe I hated that — and I hated that I loved it
I hated that my hatred was just a mask A thin, transparent task
I assigned myself to feel in control But your laugh broke through the hole
In my defense I hated that I loved the way you broke me
I hated that I couldn't stop looking I hated that I didn't want to stop I hated that
This is my chest — it's full of you
I hate the fullness I hate the stir
You cause in my carefully arranged debris
I hated that I hate that I'm starting to see — that hate was just fear in a leather coat
I hated that — but I'm done with the hate now
Not because I stopped caring — because I'm learning to allow
The feelings I can't control I hated that you made me whole
I still hate that But I'm learning to love the hole — you left in my armor It's the only place the air can get in
